


According to all known laws of pepe spongebob should not be able to 420 blaze it deez nuts 10/10

by BobDerStreuner11



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Chick-fil-a, Connor's youtube is WellFuckYouTooLarry, Evan is aC0RNb01dAtREefUcKEr69, F/F, Galaxy Gals, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jared is forever alone™, Jared is lushmemer101, M/M, Memes, Oops, Tree Bros, Zoe is jazzyzo, also i didnt actually write this instead of sleeping, and i might not finish this because i am very good at getting distracted, and procrastinating, dont have a title yet, hey im not good at updating consistently, i have a sleep schedule, if you cant read it, im sorry about evans btw, it is completely illegible because Jared made it, it says acorn boi da tree fucker 69, none of these are actual tags, probably going to be filled with bmc references, youtube au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-11 20:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BobDerStreuner11/pseuds/BobDerStreuner11
Summary: Evan makes therapy videos. Jared uploads them to YouTube under the account aC0RNb01dAtREefUcKEr69. Connor makes rage videos. They meet at college when partnered for an English project. Then remeet at a convention. Any good ideas come from Behind the Screens by DearEvanMurphy. I'm not a great writer. My beta reader CleoKat is tho... Rated Teen and Up for swearing. Still need a better name in case you didn't notice...





	1. 1. Cynthia Murphy is a Vegan™ and Connor spends $300

**Author's Note:**

> REMINDER THAT HALF OF THE GOOD IDEAS COME FROM DEAREVANMURPHY'S FIC BEHIND THE SCREENS AND I COMPLETELY STOLE THEM I'M SORRY. ALSO I STILL NEED A NAME IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS IM OPEN TO THEM.

Word Count: 1154

“Evan,” Dr. Sherman starts, “I want you to start something new for college,” I perk up in interest.

“Can you film things throughout your day? See, the letters you can edit and rewrite, videos are quite difficult to edit.” Nope nopenopenopenope, “Please? I really think it will help.” I slump back down and whisper quietly,

“I don’t have a c-camera. And I d-don’t know what I w-would film, anyways.” Dr. Sherman looks at me before quietly chuckling.

“You have a phone, right? That should work.” I nod as the alarm blares out quietly. “Well Evan, good luck at college. Have fun.” I’m quickly ushered out as the next patient walks in. Well. Looks like I’m a vlogger now.

_dehdehdehdeh_

The door slams as I jump up from my tv show. I quickly let out a big sigh when I realize it’s just my mom.

“Hey mom! How was work?” She flops beside me on the couch.

“Same old, same old. What are we watching? And how was your last session with Dr. Sherman?” I blush.

“I was feeling nostalgic so we’re watching Kim Possible. And Dr. Sherman gave me a new task for college. I’m supposed to video my day instead of writing letters. For spontaneity.” She glances at my expression for a second.

“I know you’re probably not excited, but I think this is a great idea! It will definitely help you get out of your shell, honey!” I sigh, staring at the tv. Noticing my reluctance, she stands up and kisses my forehead.

“Well, it’s been a long day. I’m gonna call it a night. Sleep tight, honey.” She makes her way towards the steps.

“Goodnight, mom.” She smiles to herself as I pull out my phone setting up a makeshift stand from books before pressing record.

“Well, u-um m-my name is E-Evan and I w-w-was told t-that making v-videos w-would help with m-m-my severe a-anxiety, s-so um. Yeah. I l-l-like trees. W-well I d-don’t have m-much to t-talk about s-so um bye?” I quickly run over and press the record button once more, groaning to myself. That went well.

_dehdehdehdehdeh_

“WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LARRY!” I yell as I slam the door. Refraining myself from reaching for the small baggie of weed I always have, I storm towards my car, slamming the door. I watch as someone climbs down the big tree next to the house before Zoe appears next to me in the passenger seat.

“Where to tonight?” she asks.

“Target,” I respond. “I’m gonna go buy seven hundred dollars worth of non-vegan food.” She cocks her head as I pull out Larry’s wallet grabbing a few twenties. She nods.

“Okay. You’re gonna need someone to help you carry all that.” I pull out of the driveway, ignoring the speed limit and the seatbelt. The twenty-minute drive only takes ten minutes today, as I whoop in delight.

“New record! Yes!” Zoe looks at me like an alien.

“Well okay then. Onward to non-veganism!”

Twenty minutes later we leave with eight bags of food, all of which have some form of animal product in them, laughing and joking.

“It’s only been twenty minutes! How did we buy three hundred dollars worth of food?” I laugh.

“I have no idea, Zo!” In a significantly better mood we make our way home, driving slower this time. Zoe jumped up, having had a sudden epiphany.

“Connor! Next time you want to yell at Larry, yell at a camera! Then we don’t have to drive to Target just to spend money!” I look at her confused.

“You mean like youtubers?” She gasps again.

“That’s even better! Upload your videos to YouTube!” I look at her skeptically.

“I will try.” Her grin widens.

_dehdehdehdehdeh_

“You should try not being high for once, Connor” Larry offhandedly comments while reading the newspaper. Breathing deeply, I grab ice from the freezer, pressing it to my wrist, making my way to my room. I scream into a pillow until Zoe walks in with a camera and a tripod. The ice has melted by now as she sends me a pleading look.

“Please, try it Connor.” She walks out as she presses record. I breathe in.

“Do you know how fucking annoying parents are? No? Well you don’t have my shitty family. Not you Zoe, you’re fine.”

I rant for a good three minutes before calming down. That was just about one comment at breakfast, too. Imagine how long videos about fights like the one last night would be.

Now for the last step. Sticking the memory card into the computer I press ‘Make Account’. What about the name though? I think for a second, before a common phrase comes to mind. Grinning evilly, I type five words, nineteen characters, six syllables.

“That’s a good name. Describes my life perfectly. WellFuckYouTooLarry is the next big YouTube hit.”

_dehdehdehdehdeh_

Twenty minutes later Zoe walks in to grab the camera again.

“Did you make a video?” I look up from my book.

“Yes? It’s uploaded to YouTube too?” She laughs.

“Really? That’s great, Con! What’s your account called?” I smirk at her.

“WellFuckYouTooLarry, no spaces.” Staring at me for a second her eyes start watering and she starts shaking, before literally falling over guffawing, tears streaming from her eyes. I stare at her for a second, rolling on the floor, before joining in.

“What. The. Hell. Connor,” she manages to get out through her laughs, which are slowly winding down. Breathing deeply, we finally stop laughing before we look at each other again, the laughter bubbling out as we start simultaneously snickering. She stands up, brushes herself off, and walks through the door, yelling behind her.

“I’m going to watch that video right now!” Cynthia appears in the doorway as soon as Zoe’s voice fades out. I look at her, chest heaving and breathing deeply.

“Is everything okay? I heard something fall?” I look at her for a second, holding in laughter.

“Everything’s fine, don’t worry.”

“Well okay then. I won’t be here for dinner. Your father is taking me out. I think we have leftover casserole in the fridge. I’ll go check.” Close to dying of holding back laughter I nod seriously at her.

“Okay. You do that,” I say remembering the food we bought. I hear her pad down the steps before finally letting out my laughter. Waiting, I sit silently until-

“CONNOR. ZOE. WHAT. THE. FUCK.” I meet Zoe in the hallway whispering to her,

“She looked in the fridge.” Zoe nods knowingly before we break out in guffaws again.

“Yes mom?” She questions innocently. Cynthia points at the fridge.

“WHAT. IS. THIS.” My eyes are watering now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Cynthia.”

“WE. ARE. VEGANS.” Finally breaking I laugh loudly, Zoe joining in. Cynthia stands in shock at me laughing, before she sighs and quietly says,

“Well, I missed hamburgers. This is a one-time thing though, okay?”


	2. 2. Jared gets Chick-fil-a and Connor is a mad boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chick-fil-a, moving into apartments, and violent, viral videos (that was a nice alliteration).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyo! Another chappie that I wrote a few days ago but restrained myself from posting it. Also Zoe and Connor's good sibling relationship will be explained later, along with Connor's personality being quite pleasant. Much thanks to CleoKat, my beta reader, who DIDN'T answer me when I asked for feedback. Much thanks.

**Word Count: 1210**

Shaking, I lugged the giant box Jared had given me through the door.

"You okay there, Evan?" he asked, noticing. I nodded quickly.

"Yeah. I'm just nervous. What if our neighbors play their music too loud at night and then I can't sleep until like two am andthenigotoclasssleepdeprivedandcantansweranyquestionsbecauseiforgoteverythingovernightandthentheprofessorcallsonmeandihavetosaysorryidontkno-"

"Ooookay, that's enough panicking for now! If our neighbors are assholes, I will beat them up for you. Does that make you feel any better?" I shrugged.

"Not really. You're like a marshmallow, Jared. Soft, with no muscle." He looked offended.

"I'll have you know I do Taekwando, Evan. I am a master ninja who could beat anyone up." Skeptically, I shot him a glance, dropping the box and stretching my shoulders.

"Your only accomplishment in Taekwando was to be hit in the face with a practice dummy that you punched and get knocked out." Shocked, he stared at me, dropping his box alongside mine.

"Is that some sass I hear, Mr. Hansen?" I groaned

"Is that the last box?" I asked. Counting under his breath, he turns to me saying,

"That was a very subtle subject change, Evan. And yes." Sighing, I flop on the nearest bed, claiming it as mine. Screaming softly into a pillow for a few minutes, I notice the exhaustion from the long drive.

"I'm gonna take a nap, kay?" Jared nods, turning back to go out the door.

"Great. I'll start unpacking in the meantime." I stare at the ceiling as my eyelids start to droop. Curling into a ball, I let sleep wash over me.

_dehdehdehdehdeh_

**(It's ye boi Jared now)**

I grab the closest box in the living room, opening it and taking Evan's pictures of his mom, which are on top, out, haphazardly placing them around the apartment. Reaching back in, I feel something different, that's not a book or a picture frame. Pulling it out, I examine the silver camera.

Evan hates cameras! And pictures and videos! Running to my backpack I pull out my laptop, plugging the camera's memory card in and opening the file, clicking on the first of seemingly hundreds of videos.

"Hello again! This is day twenty-three, and you might have noticed the video quality is better. My mom bought me a camera, so I don't have to use my phone anymore! Yay! Anyways, today wasn't very exciting, but I almost ordered pizza! That's progress! Well, I put the number in, but freaked out and threw my phone across the room. It's still progress, though."

I laughed at Evan's frustrated expression. Scouring through the seemingly endless amounts of videos, a wide smirk made its way across my face as I had an idea. I opened the video editor, and edited the video quickly. Opening a new tab in Chrome, I opened YouTube quickly, pressing the 'Make Account' button. The name was easy for me. I already knew exactly what to put.

"aC0RNb01dAtREefUcKEr69 is the next big YouTube hit," I muttered deviously, editing and posting nineteen more videos before Evan woke up.

"Are you reading your stupid anime fanfiction again?" Evan mumbled into his pillow. Jumping, I slammed the lid of the laptop shut stammering out,

"What? N-No, why w-would I do that?" I coughed awkwardly.

"Sure, Jared, sure." He chuckled slightly, burying his face back into his pillow. "How much did you unpack, anyways?" I shrugged.

"Not much, I got bored." He stood up stretching.

"Do we have any food? Nopë." He answered himself. "Looks like we're going shopping tomorrow." I shrugged again, uninterested. Freezing suddenly, I touched the side of my laptop, before sighing as I realized I had replaced the chip in the camera after copying the videos onto my computer. Looking at the time, I started paging through different fast food restaurants near us.

"Hey Evan, there's a Chick-fil-a down the block! You hungry?" He looked at me incrediously.

"Jared, I literally just asked if we had food. What do you think?" I looked at him, astonished.

"Wow, twice in one day. I'm proud of you!" He shook his head at me.

"We sh-should get going. It's g-getting late." I pushed him lightly out the door, leading the way down the block, almost moaning in delight when I smelled fried chicken. Evan looked at me oddly before telling me his order.

A few minutes later I grabbed the food handing Evan his unsweetened ice tea and chicken strips, while sipping my own overly sweet Arnold Palmer.

"Do you wanna eat here or at the apartment?" I watched his eyes widened as he looked torn.

"I'd rather eat at the apartment just so no one's watching me but ifyouwannaeatherethatsfineimfinedontwo-"

"Chill, Evan. We'll just eat at the apartment. That's fine with me. Then we can unpack a bit more." He nodded thankfully rushing down the street already. "Calm yourself, Evan. We need to walk like two hundred feet, the food isn't going to get cold that fast."

_dehdehdehdehdeh_

**(Connor now)**

I slammed the door, pulling my camera out and setting it up quickly in my new apartment. Pacing in circles I finally pressed the record button.

"FUCK PEOPLE!" I took a few deep breaths, sighing.

"Here's the thing. I wear a lot of black. I paint my nails. I have long hair. I have ugly scars up and down my arms. But the least you could do is to look at me like I'm a fucking noRMAL HUMAN BEING. BUT NO. YOU HAVE TO WALK IN A WIDE CIRCLE AROUND ME AND GIVE ME THIS LOOK LIKE I'M EITHER THE UGLIEST OR THE SCARIEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN." I take a few deep breaths.

"Sorry to all of my 46 subscribers. Someone told me I looked like a school shooter today, and I needed to get that out. If anyone else feels like that, I know what its like." Continuing the video for a couple more minutes, I finally turn the camera off, uploading the video after editing a little and adding my intro. I groan, flopping onto my bed and falling asleep after my exhausting rage fit.

_dehdehdehdehdeh_

A couple hours later I wake up to hear my phone blaring in my ear. Groggily, I pick it up.

"You better have a good fucking reason to wake me up asshole," I mutter, not even looking at the Caller ID.

"CONNOR!" Zoe's familiar voice yells at me.

"Jesus Christ, Zo, give a guy a warning. Waddaya need?" Making a confused noise she says,

"You mean you don't know? Check your channel." Putting her on speaker, I open YouTube to see- my video on the frontpage. What even? Checking my subscriber count I see that I have over 50,000 subscribers and thousands of views on my latest video.

"What. the. fuck. Zo." Shaking my head I look again. "Well, I'm about to go launch myself into the fucking sun. See ya Zo." I hear her laughing. "I can't deal with this much attention on meeeee!" I whisper scream.

"What happened? Your video was just you ranting about being called mean things. That's not different. Anyhow, do you wanna collab?" I chuckle quietly.

"I don't know. Anyways, Zo, you don't have a YouTube." I can hear her smirk and I groan internally at what's coming next.

"I do now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup yup yup I have successfully incorporated my love for Chickafil into fanfiction (yes, chickafil). Don't forget to add your ideas for a new title in the comments. While the current one is very nice, I don't feel it's appropriate. I'm always open to suggestions!  
> Toodle Pip!  
> BDS11


End file.
